Dayn armallah

13. Into the Open

My astonishment knew no bounds when no one seemed to notice a thing. It was as if nothing had changed, and basically that was true, too – after all, how could I know when exactly the relationship between prince Merilion and Golden Deer had stepped into a more intimate realm? I felt that the whole world had turned upside down, but apparently I managed to keep the turmoil safely inside me, and quite as apparently my masters hadn't noticed my nocturnal visit. I just couldn't make myself believe that they would have acted so unaffected if they'd known that I had been there, seen them, the previous night.

I was relieved and at the same time very surprised, because I had the feeling that most of the time I was either blushing, starting, stammering or dropping things whenever either one of them was around, and even more so when they both were. I knew, and naturally enough I noticed my own blunders far more distinctly than anyone else could. I also saw things so clearly now that I had to wonder how no one else seemed to see the signs. To me they were glaringly plain. Every glance they shared just screamed closeness. Why didn't anyone seem to notice a thing?

The answer was obvious: I was the only one who was choking on jealousy each time I looked at them, every time I saw them. My thoughts always found their way back to the nighttime scene I had witnessed, and if I had envied Golden Deer before, now I was swallowing bile. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hate the prince, but the most infuriating thing of all was that I simply couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to hate either one of them, no matter how jealousy burned inside me.

I liked them both. The quiet, tenacious, stubborn prince Merilion, the man I'd dreamed of back in the City. And Golden Deer, strong and good humored and attentive. They had always treated me well. They had always been kind to me. How could I suddenly start disliking them? The answer was that I could not. I liked them too much. Besides, how dreadful would life be if I had to trudge from day to day, full of hatred and misery? I was torn.

Unfortunately there still was someone who did notice that something was amiss. Three days after my discovery, when I had just come to the old King's cabin and was preparing to go to bed, he fixed me with a quizzical look.

"Has my deplorable son been treating you badly?" he asked.

I started. "What do you mean, oh King?"

"Exactly that," he replied dryly. "Has he scolded you? Hit you?"

"No!" I stared at the old man, horrified at such a suggestion. "No, never! My Lord wouldn't do anything like that!"

"I wouldn't put it past him." The King snorted. "Wayward he always was, sullen and difficult, but I could never have imagined that he would start behaving like he does now. No, hardly anything would surprise me any more where he's concerned."

"Behaving like what?" I was immediately on the defensive. "He is not – "

"He is just like those eternally cursed beasts," the King said decisively. "Those – Foresters. Those animals. Bringing one of them here, befriending him... one of these days we'll all find that our houses are burning around us!"

I was gaping. Golden Deer had now lived in the village for months, and I had thought that anybody with eyes could see how important he was for us all. I was sure that he wouldn't hesitate to use his weapons to defend us against his own people if need be. I was also sure that the rest of the village knew it. And yet, here was the old King saying such things of him!

"That – that is not true," I spluttered, very nearly using a far stronger expression but thinking better of it at the last moment. "It's not true! Golden Deer is not a beast, he's a good and trustworthy man, he..."

"Oh, I would have thought that you'd know better." The old man shook his head. "But it looks like Merilion has corrupted you, too, with that dear friend of his."

The derisive stress on 'dear' gave me even more of a jolt, and the King's eyes seemed to pierce through me.

"What is it?" he asked sharply.

"Wh-what?" I tried to get my breathing back under control. "I – I like Golden Deer, too. Most people here do."

"No, that's not what you were thinking," he insisted. "Tarisha-maan, look at me when I speak to you!"

I had to obey, even if against my will, and the old man gave me a penetrating frown. "If it is true what you say, that he doesn't treat you badly, then why are you so embarrassed whenever you have been around him?"

"Embarrassed – am I?" The laughter was not as convincing as I'd have hoped. "I wouldn't know! I can't think of any reason, anyway."

Maybe I was just a little too glib, or maybe his thoughts had already begun to stray towards dangerous territory. Whatever it was, the King scowled at me sternly. "Tarisha-maan, surely he hasn't tried to do anything improper to you?"

I flushed deep red, there was nothing I could do to prevent it, and before I got another word out, the King had drawn his own conclusions.

"The unholy creature... the crazed animal... oh, it would have been infinitely better if he had died as a baby, rather than – "

"No! No, you're wrong, oh King!" I tried to get a word in edgewise to interrupt his rant. "It's not me he's – "

I wanted to bite off my tongue as soon as the words had slipped out. I think I might have even tried, if that would have somehow made a difference. But the damage was now definitely done. The King's eyes narrowed dangerously and his face turned into carved stone.

"So that is the way it is," he said ominously. "He, the First Prince, and that city-burning, raping, murdering, pillaging beast of a man... oh, the unhallowed things that happen in these dark times..."

Willing myself out of existence was not working. I tried to decide if I should go on defending Golden Deer, for I was somehow very sure that he hadn't taken part in the carnage. Or should I tell the King that intimacy between men hadn't been unheard of back in Dayn Armallah, either? Or would it be better if I just shut up altogether? The debate inside me went on long enough to give the King time to finish his monologue, half a curse and half a chant, and focus once more on me.

"Why do you look like that?" he demanded. "This is a bad thing, an evil and rotten thing. And such things must be weeded out. They will bring a great misfortune upon us all, taint this entire village with their foul presence!"

"What?" I nearly jumped on my feet. "Oh no – no, you can't mean that! You cannot!"

"I can and I do," the King said darkly. "They must be expelled."

I swallowed a couple of times. Just how did he imagine that it could be done in the first place? Surely he didn't think that the two would simply up and vanish if the King told them to? No way! Nor would the village let them go, even if they tried to leave. They were far too valuable for us all.

Then I came to think of something far more unpleasant and horrifying. Suppose that the villagers got to know? What if they'd agree with the King? I blanched at the thought. No, that didn't bear thinking of, and it meant that I had to do something to prevent the scenario.

"Please, oh King," I began tremulously. "Please let them be! This village really does need them!"

"Will you say that even when the wrath of the Holy Mother descends upon us?" he asked.

My mouth opened and closed a few times before any words came out. "Hasn't it already?" I finally managed. "The City is no more – what worse could still possibly happen?"

The King ignored me. "Such unnatural conduct is a horror to the Goddess. As the First Prince it is his duty to father more sons and daughters to continue the worship of the Holy Mother! And what – "

"Hasn't he already done that?" I countered quickly. "It's not his fault that only Alaish is alive any more! Please, oh King! Leave them be. They are not harming anyone."

"And I tell you again thattheir presence here is poisoning everybody!" the old man said. "They are an abomination! And you say they don't harm anyone?"

"Because they don't!" I insisted. "Everybody likes them, the whole village does! They are working hard for all of us!"

"And poor Alaish, too, to have such a father!"

I wisely shut my mouth and refrained from pointing out that only a fer moments earlier the King had stated that the prince should be siring more children, and was now pitying Merilion's only surviving child for having a parent like that. The logic of it, if there was any, defeated me. Nor did I even try to argue my case with the obvious fact that prince Merilion was now far happier with his life than he'd perhaps ever been. I was sure that it would only serve to fuel the King's fury even more, and judging by his outraged expression, it hardly needed any more fueling.

I was gnawing my lip in a frantic effort to think of some way to make the King calm down, and came to the obvious conclusion.

"It's late, oh King," I said in the most soothing tone I could muster at the moment. "We should go to bed now. Come, I'll help you settle down."

He glared at me, but I held firm. "It's all dark outside now, and it's getting cold."

I was relieved beyond words when he, grumbling, agreed and was soon tucked under the blankets next to me. I stayed awake for a long time, alternately cursing myself and racking my brain to come up with some kind of a solution but finding none. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I feared the consequences anyway. Whatever it was, it wouldn't be pretty.

The next morning, Merilion and Golden Deer were up early and headed to the forest, eyes glinting, well before the King considered the weather warm enough to crawl out. I heaved a deep sigh, and another towards dusk when I saw the familiar figures emerge, with an ample catch, after the old man had already retired to the warm confines of his cabin. It took me a good while as I helped them hang the fowl in a shed to wait for plucking, and by the time I was finally ready for bed, the King was nearly asleep.

On the following day, too, the hunters were safely out of the way before the King was up and about. He hadn't mentioned the topic to me after the late-night discussion, and so I had stupidly let myself be lulled into a false sense of security, not paying any attention to the fact that I caught sight of him a few times towards the evening.

My masters returned earlier that day, and just as I was busy heating them water for washing, I suddenly felt faint. The King was walking towards us with a slow but determined step, mouth pressed into a tight line. I stood up and went to him but he just waved me aside.

"My business is not with you, Tarisha-maan," he said firmly.

Prince Merilion tossed his partly undone braid over one shoulder and raised his eyebrows, scrubbing his bare chest with a wet, steaming cloth. "What is it, oh King?" he asked with cool politeness.

The old man straightened himself. "I wish to speak to you, First Prince," he said formally.

"I am listening," Merilion replied.

Golden Deer tilted his head, frowning a little, and I crept closer to him while the father and son measured each other with their eyes. Merilion was half a head taller than the King, lanky and strong, standing there silently aloof, waiting. The King looked him up and down, then shook his grayed head and his jaw tightened.

"You have denied the Holy Mother before, you miserable infidel," he said in a resounding voice. "So now you have found yet another way to live contrary to Her wishes?"

Merilion frowned. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"That." The King pointed towards Golden Deer. "That hateful creature from a hateful people."

Golden Deer gave a puzzled grunt, shifted a little, and I clung hastily to his arm. The King wasn't speaking fast, but the tone he used, the inflection, it was straight from the Ceremonies – strange, elongated, artificial. No wonder that the Forester was having trouble following what was being said.

But Merilion certainly understood, and I could see that his hackles were going up fast.

"Don't insult a good man, oh King!" he said tightly. "I don't know what you have against him all of a sudden, but – "

"Of course you would defend him!" The King's voice began to rise, and several villagers who'd been shuffling to and fro, busy with their evening chores, were stopping to watch and listen in growing curiosity. "You traitor of your own people and everything we hold dear!"

The prince's eyes widened at this outrageous claim. "What?" he huffed. "You are calling me a traitor – on what grounds?"

"You have forsaken the pure and holy life, you who defile yourself and the whole village with your conduct!" the King thundered, practically shaking with rage.

Merilion took a deep breath and put his hands on hips, the very picture of indignation. "It seems to have somehow slipped your notice, my father, that we're no longer in Dayn Armallah," he said, voice dripping irony. "This is the way to live here and now, and I really wish that all of the people here would comprehend that one day!"

"So your unnatural relationship with that disgusting Forester is the way to live now?" The old man looked triumphant as Merilion, surprised, paled with rage, hands balling into fists. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you base creature, but you seem to know no shame! You are no son of mine!"

I glanced anxiously around. The escalating encounter had quickly drawn a real crowd, I saw village women and men gaping, even a few priestesses lurking awkwardly among them. Behind me, Golden Deer was fidgety with frustration but so far staying put. Of course it helped a lot that by now he could hardly understand one word in thirty, if that, and had no way of knowing what to do. I knew that his instinct was to leap to Merilion's side, but he was understandably hesitant, seeing that the adversary was an old man whom he'd learned to stay away from.

"Grandfather, please!" Alaish slipped through the throng but was waved aside as imperiously as I had been a while ago.

"You, poor child, stay out of this. You cannot comprehend the depths of hideousness that you father has sunken into."

Merilion snorted loudly, about to say something, but Alaish was quicker.

"What hideousness are you talking about, grandfather?" he asked belligerently, standing legs wide apart, arms folded on his chest. "If Father sleeps with Golden Deer – so what?"

I cringed, and every pair of eyes turned to Alaish who simply squared his shoulders and stared at the old man, chin high. "What's wrong with that?" he demanded.

Golden Deer was about to move but I quickly shook my head. "No," I hissed. "Wait."

People were feeling awkward, that much was plain from the whispers and glances and shuffling, but no one was going anywhere. Merilion was looking steadily, challengingly at the King over his son's head. He was furious, that much I could tell even without looking at his face.

"Yes, that's what I want to know, too!" he said. "It should be no one's business who I spend my nights with. I'm doing everything I can for our common good, and that's all you or anyone else should be concerned about."

Alaish nodded vigorously, but of course the King wasn't going to back off. "You bring a curse upon us all with your sinful life! So completely you have forgotten all your sacred duties!"

"Duties!" Merilion exploded, eyes blazing. "Duties? No, father mine, I have not forgotten my duties! How could I, when my entire life in the City was nothing but one huge, endless duty? I sure haven't forgotten it, nor have I forgotten how much good it all did in the end! See where we are now? This isn't Dayn Armallah. So what do you expect me to do – live like you and those useless women, locked inside one house, not lifting a finger for anyone else? That's not my duty now, it's not my way of dealing with this life! And if I have a companion by my side, someone who shares this life, that should be nothing to you."

"But it is." The King's mouth tightened. "You must leave, before the whole village is punished for your sins, like Dayn Armallah was."

A stunned silence followed.

"Are you saying," Merilion spoke at last, slowly and incredulously, his voice ringing over the murmur that was beginning to erupt among the listeners, "are you really accusing me for what happened to the City?"

"Yes. You, the First Prince, were unworthy of the Holy Mother, you who were to be the next King, and so She punished you."

Everyone turned to look at the oldest priestess who was pointing an accusing finger at the prince, eyes burning with zeal. But to my immense relief I saw several people shake their heads with visible determination – so I wasn't the only one who was having trouble swallowing this kind of logic. All right, so the people didn't appreciate it that the whole question was rubbed into their faces like this, but apparently they still retained some common sense.

"You are so stupid!" Alaish shouted. "If the Holy Mother was displeased with father, why didn't she just strike him dead, or something?"

Merilion put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hush, Alaish... but really, father mine, I understand you even less. If you really think like that, if you really believe all that – then I truly cannot comprehend how you can still go on worshiping Her. How can you still respect a Goddess who let thousands of Her faithful people die and suffer, just to demonstrate Her displeasure with one prince?"

There were nods in all directions, but they didn't sway the King.

"You both must leave," he repeated sternly. "This village is better off without you two."

"Please, my Lords, let's stop this talk right now!" One of the village men, a sturdy balding fellow, stepped forth. He shook his head. "With all respect, oh King, but neither my Lord Merilion nor Golden Deer is going anywhere from here."

"That's right," put in a younger man, plainly horrified at his own daring and yet desperate enough to actually talk back to the King. "All other things aside, we sure aren't better off without them – much worse off would sound about right."

The King scowled at the men. "The filthy sinners as they are?"

There was a snort from Melish, the short and square farmer with a quick tongue and an endless repertory of jokes for every situation.

"Me, I wouldn't worry even if Lord Merilion wanted to share his bed with a few more Foresters, if they're all as good hunters as Golden Deer!" he said loudly.

Several people chuckled aloud, and even those who mostly looked just upset seemed to be suffering from oddly twitching lips. My convulsive clutch of Golden Deer's arm loosened a little as Alaish giggled openly, unlike his father who apparently couldn't decide whether to laugh or be mortified.

The King was understandably shocked.

"Is that really what you think?" he asked the balding man.

"Yes," came from all around. It seemed that even those who perhaps were squeamish by the idea, were nevertheless more inclined to take the rational approach. The old King's shoulders sagged and he shook his head sadly.

"So be it then," he intoned. "But let it be known that I will no more have anything to do with you, Tarisha-maan."

He turned and walked away amidst deep silence. Only after he and the priestesses had disappeared from sight, the spell seemed to lift and the people trickled back to whatever task they'd been busy with before the confrontation.

Merilion just stood there like a statue until Alaish nudged his arm.

"You're getting cold, father," he said. "Come on, it's dinnertime, you must be hungry."

That startled me back to my senses and I began to fuss once more with the fire and the food, happy to have something else to think about. Golden Deer was watching us all warily, unsure of what was going on, but he didn't ask anything, nor was any one of us particularly inclined to talk. Alaish helped me eagerly, and he also provided most of the little chat that lightened the atmosphere.

When dinner was over, prince Merilion glanced at me.

"You will sleep in our cabin again, Tarisha," he said.

"Yes, my Lord," I breathed.

"And I," Alaish put in, bright as ever. "I won't go to their house any more, father, not after this! But I'll be no trouble. I'll sleep next to Tarisha."

Merilion simply nodded.