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Corinn and Vanya in a pinch. Takes place sometime during or after "Traces of Doubt". Thanks to Moonriddler Mim for inspiration!

- Written in June 2004. Rating MA.



"Splendid. Just splendid."


"Do you realize what you've done now?"

"I? I didn't do nothing!"

"Well, exactly. You didn't do something."

"Stop being so bloody mysterious, will you?"

"Didn't I tell you to stay outside of that door?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So, where are you now?"

"Just in case it somehow escaped your attention, I'm standing pretty close to you."

"That's right. You are. Inside the door. And it's closed."

"So? Open it."

"Why do you think I told you to stay on the other side?"

"Umm... so that I wouldn't distract you?"

"That might've been one reason, granted, but it wasn't the reason."

"Well, what then?"

"The reason was that because I was trying to install this new controller thing, the door just might behave somewhat irregular until I get everytihing connected."


"Meaning that it probably won't open from the inside, idiot!"

"Oh, right. So you mean that — um — we might be sorta stuck in here?"

"Congrats, Handsome, you got it in one."

"Shit. Well, look, I just came to see if I could give you a hand with it. Sorry."

"Save your apologies till later, and instead try to think of how we get out of here!"

"Shouldn't the door open once you connect the rest of the — oh, wait. Hold on. You didn't have a light with you, right?"


"And the reason why you swore just a moment ago was that you'd accidentally disconnected some extra wires? Such as — the lights?"

"... yes."

"And if I suggest that the extra wires might also have included the internal comm cables..."

"Then I tell you that unfortunately you're still getting it absolutely right."

"Oh fuck."

"Sometimes your eloquence just takes my breath away, Handsome."

"Well. The M's will be coming here after a while anyway, and they'll let us out."

"Didn't we just tell them that we're gonna take care of this room and then quit for the day?"

"Ohh fuck. Where's your comm?"

"Not here. I think I've left it in the room. I thought I'd be near the in-base comms the whole day. Wait — don't you have yours then?"

"Oh yeah, I have. In my jacket. In the next room."

"Goddamn it!"

"Careful, Gorgeous, you'll hurt yourself. Or break the rest of the connections."

"Why the hell don't I have the torch with me?"

"Would you be able to finish the connections then?"

"Sure I would. But not in this pitch darkness. And I don't have the torch anyway."

"I really am sorry."

"What're you doing anyway?"

"Sitting down to think. Since it's my fault that we're locked up in here, I guess it'd be only fair if I could think of a quick way to get us out, too."

"Oh well... and I can't do anything about these wires right now."

"Mmm, there, sit down. I'm right here. And that's my knee, by the way."

"Really? I thought it was some other particularly hard part of you."

"Gorgeous, you sure know how to flatter a guy..."

"I was talking about you bony head!"

"Funny. Very funny... ohh.."

"Just kidding. Believe me, I can tell your knee from this here any time."

"Unhh... Gorgeous, are you perhaps planning something?"

"Why not? I mean, what else can we do to pass the time, anyway?"

"No objections, big boy... I was just thinking that maybe you've thought of a way to make them find us sooner."


"Oh, c'mon — of course the guys will start missing us and barge in just as we get properly started. You know, sitcom style."

"Well then, don't you think we'd better act quickly?"

"Absolutely! I couldn't... oh yeah..."

"Mmm... why don't you suck me off, Mr. Blowjobman?"

"No deal, Gorgeous. I wanna see you when I make you come. Just to make sure I'm doing it right, you know."

"As if you didn't know by now... want me to fuck you then?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Oh, shut up, you... no lube, right?"

"Nope. In the jacket."

"Okay, I promise to go slow."

"And drool a lot."

"Don't you worry about that, Handsome..."

"Yeah... oh man..."

"Aren't we greedy now?"

"Always, Gorgeous, always... mmm, that's good..."


"Yeah, go right ahead... oh man!"

"Feels good, hmm?"

"You know fucking well it does!"

"Easy, Handsome, easy boy..."

"You just... uhh... keep doing that, and I'll shoot before you even get your dick in... and I mean it!"

"Oookay... uh... but you sound so goddamn sexy, I could come just listening to your grunting."

"Slow, big boy, slow now."

"Trying my best here..."

"Ohh, that's right..."

"Man, aren't you hard!"

"Corinn... baby... big boy..."

"Oh yeah... yeah... so good..."

"Mmm... ohh... push, baby!"

"Vanya, Vanya, Vanya... come for me, lover..."

"Ohhh fuck!..."


"... ohh fuck... Corinn, you're... gorgeous..."

"Love you, Vanya. Love you."

"Mmmm... damnit, we can't even see how much of a mess we've made here."

"Now that I might finally have your attention..."


"What the hell..."

"I don't think your purpose was to make me feel this damn uncomfortable, but I feel it's my duty to inform you that I've been listening to you for a while now."

"But — how long? And how?"

"Roughly since the request for Mr. Blowjobman's expert services... that's when your comm alerted me, Corinn, apparently then without your intention."

"Gorgeous! What did you say about your comm?!"

"But I left it... no, wait. Oh fucking shit. It's in my thigh pocket. I must've accidentally pressed a button when I sat down..."

"All right, well —"

"Arria, I'm awfully sorry. I can't even say how sorry I am. I swear I honestly had no idea —"

"Oh, never mind, Gorgeous! Arria, Commander, sir, I'm sorry about the — uh — what happened. But the thing is that we're sort of locked inside room B34D and can't get out. Without either of our comms, or so we thought just a while ago. So, could you please tell the M's to come and let us out of here?"

"Maybe I'd better do that. Especially as you don't have any lube with you. Don't worry, you'll get out in no time at all. And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go and see where the Pilot Commander is lurking."

"... shiiiiiit."

"You said it, Handsome."

"Well, look at the bright side of this. At least that door is gonna open pretty soon, and we'll be out of this room. Isn't that a good thing?"

"It sure is. But... Arria. I can't look him in the eye!"

"Oh, don't be shy, Gorgeous. Sure you can. Just think what he's gonna do to Osip when he finds the guy."

"... well, this should teach me. I'll never ever go anywhere again without making sure that I know where my comm is!"

"And the lube. Don't forget about the lube."

"Oh, shut up, will you?"

"Make me."

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