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Into the Light

 

 

 

 

12. Dazed and Confused

I'm pretty sure that there have been very few occasions in my life when I've been more nervous than I am right now. And even those were a long time ago, way back when I still was that painfully shy, uncertain kid that - ah, now, let's forget about that. Anyway.

I am nervous now, and it's completely crazy. I have no fucking reason to be, but I am. To meet new people - is that some reason to be nervous? Yet I feel a tremendous urge to chain-smoke as we're walking up the street. Only Rashim's withering glances of blatant disapproval have stopped me from lighting up, but goddamn it, it's at least five minutes since my last cig and I definitely need another!

On second thought, I think I'll survive even without. Okay.

I wish I knew what it is about meeting Rashim's friends, the group of would-be dancers, that makes me this jittery. Just like back when I was a kid and I simply knew that whoever it was I had to meet, was going to dislike me immediately and profoundly. I feel bloody stupid, and it's damn difficult to keep this from Rashim. He's really perceptive.

Besides, I can't even resort to just sneering at them all, because with these people it fucking matters what they think of me. They're Rashim's friends.

I'm not going to go deeper and try to figure out why it matters. Too nervous for that.

"It's there." Rashim points at a deliciously rose-colored old school-like building at the end of the street.

In fact it is a school. He's told me - with a telltale snort - that the classical dance company has flatly refused all cooperation, apparently considering these new trend people as competition. Finding suitable places for training hasn't been too easy, either. But here they've got a low enough rent and a big enough room. The only drawback is that they must be content with whatever free slots there are in the timetables, hence the early morning and late night rehearsals I've been wondering at.

Shit, we're here. Rashim glances at the clock up on the wall and decides not to shake his head when I stop and light a cigarette. A second one is off-limits, though. I climb the stairs after him and a few twists and turns later we're there.

Several pairs of curious eyes immediately fix on me. Rashim raises a hand in a general greeting.

"Hi guys, hi Rith - I took Toni along."

I nod in response to the chorus of greetings. Everybody comes closer and I realize with some shock that they've been waiting to see me. What do they see - Rashim's boyfriend? Something else? What do they know of me, what have they thought of me before this?

"Welcome!" This tiny thing with a strong handshake must be Rith, but she's a lot younger than I'd thought. Instead of a formidable graying vulture reminiscent of one of my first governesses, I'm looking down at a curly-haired woman of perhaps thirty. She's very slim, with triangular face and very intelligent eyes over high cheekbones. Not pretty, but damn impressive. "I'm Rith."

She smiles to me as I mumble a greeting. "I'll let the kids introduce themselves later on, but I'm hoping very much that what you're seeing here is the core of the future Dirna Dance Theater. It's really great that you're interested enough to want to see what we do. At least I want to think that you really are interested in the dance and not only seeing Rashim in less clothes?"

I blink, she winks. Rashim heaves an exaggerated sigh as the others snicker around us. "Rith... could you at least try to behave sometimes?"

"Sure I could," she says affably. "But I don't believe in false decorum."

She's... incredible. Absolutely incredible.

"Oh, I don't mind!" I hurry to say as soon as my tongue is willing to move again. "I mean, there's too much of that anyway. And just to make sure - I really am interested in your dance. I can't claim to know much about dance, classical or otherwise, but I'm terribly curious."

She laughs. "Okay, nice to meet you, Toni! Now, kiddies, time's running. You too, Rashim, go get changed so we can start the warm-ups. Toni, you can sit over here."

Rashim kisses me before slipping away, I follow Rith to a cluster of chairs on one side. She's walking with an obvious limp. I get introduced to a bearded, tattooed man of about forty who's sitting there with a drum - the music man - and he grins to me broadly.

"I don't think I'll explain you anything in advance," Rith says and sits down next to me. "Just watch. I'll answer afterwards."

I nod. Rashim reappears in a tight sleeveless top and close-fitting trousers and joins the rest of the group, all in variations of the same garb. He looks so sexy that I have to swallow a couple of times. What wouldn't I give to feel the beginnings of a proper hard-on... okay, there's quite a few things I definitely would not give, not even for that, but anyway. It would be kind of nice to start feeling uncomfortable now, but still no such luck. Better concentrate on other things.

These 'kiddies' are eight in number, three of them girls. That fact fully dawns upon me after some delay; the only skirt in sight is worn by Rith, while all dancers are in trousers and tops. I haven't known what to expect, but I guess my vague idea was that they'd all somehow look like Rashim. Well, have I been wrong.

Two of the girls are about the same height, slim and leggy. One of them sports a jet-black ponytail, the other has pulled her strawberry-blonde hair into a bun. The third girl is a curvy blonde. The tallest of the guys is dark and broad-shouldered in a way that immediately reminds me of the Revnashi men I've seen in town, while the other two are about Rashim's height but each different in build. The fifth boy is a small, linen-blonde sweetheart with large baby-blue eyes, a few freckles and dimples, and doesn't look a day over thirteen.

I take another good look at his compact body. Hm. Thirteen-year-olds don't usually have such powerful, well-defined muscles all around, nor does the bulge in the front of their trousers look quite like that... so the blonde baby must be a few years older than he appears at first glance. I stand corrected.

The warm-up routine is familiar enough to everybody. Rith barks the occasional instruction and watches them like a hawk. I watch, too, and feel sweat rising on my face out of sheer empathy. The sheen on tanned necks, bare arms and concentrated faces shows that the dancers are indeed warming up.

I am transfixed. They move in synch, all eight of them, nobody counts aloud but the beat is in their heads and they obey it. Gods how flexible they are. They stretch, twist, turn, repeat, in relentless harmony. My breath quickens to the same rhythm. They are beautiful. Rashim is beautiful, green eyes intense, lips parted, muscles straining...

I wake up from my trance when Rith claps her hands and gets up. "Good. Okay, everyone, three minutes. Geill, you ready?"

The drummer moves his chair, the dancers rush to gulp from their bottles and to dry themselves. I understand what all these towels lying about are for. Rashim smiles to me across the room and I smile back, wondering what it would feel like to see him sometimes look that happy because of something I've done.

Then they begin training in earnest. Within minutes I know what those joking references to Rith's scariness have been about. She's pushing the youngsters without mercy, telling them that they can still go higher, further, faster, more. The drummer is in it, too, he sets the pace, and when Rith says 'faster' he does exactly that.

I don't think I've ever seen such determination in my life. Chests heaving, eyes hard as flintstone. These people are serious. When Rith stops them to explain something, they listen to her every word, nod and then do it better than last time.

The really crazy part is that I'm doing the same - my heart is throbbing to the same beat, I hang on her lips, nod in understanding, then watch with narrowed eyes at the repeat performance. And just about go 'ahh, that's it!' when Rith nods her approval.

Nobody gets special favors. Not the girls. Definitely not Rashim, whose fluid grace makes him stand apart from the others, or is it just my adoring eyes?

When they finally collapse all over the floor and begin to stretch their no doubt weary limbs in a lovely jumble of sweaty bodies, soaked hair and giggles, I'm thoroughly exhausted as well, and not only out of sympathy. Hell, I've been battling an inexplicable and thoroughly insane urge to jump up and join them! My body has been literally twitching to move, and containing that has taken some physical effort.

Rith sits again beside me. "Well, what do you think? And don't be afraid to tell the truth, I think I can take pretty much anything!"

I grin back to her. She's fantastic. Unlike anyone I've ever met before. "Oh, I believe you can - but what's to say that you won't bite my head off if I say something that doesn't please you?"

"No guarantees," she admits happily. "So you'll just have to take the risk, if you're man enough."

Ouch... but she doesn't know, so it didn't really mean a thing. "Okay, I'll be honest. I'm totally stunned, I'm still having trouble breathing, and it was simply fabulous." I take a deep breath. "I - I wish I knew how to say this without sounding ridiculous, but - I wish I could do something like that."

She looks me up and down, eyes coolly assessing. "I can't see why you couldn't, if you want to. And I'm glad you like it."

"What?" Uh, better collect my jaw from the floor. "What're you talking about?"

"Dancing is a wonderful way to get fit and keep fit," Rith says. "Why do people put their children into a dance school? They don't think 'professional' - no, maybe their kids are active and need a hobby to burn energy, or they're clumsy and need to learn how to control their bodies, or they're shy and need to gain self-confidence. Becoming pro is a side-product. And before you say anything -"

I obediently snap my mouth shut.

"- grown-ups do that too, at least in many places I've been to. There are people who like this kind of music and want to find a way to exercise in a fun, challenging way. And that will be an alternative here, too, once I really get this thing going."

I listen in fascination as Rith tells me about her dream. Getting this core group together and trained and performing. Creating the Dance Theater, to make free dance known and to rouse interest. Then a real school, groups for different ages, a school where future professionals sprout and bud and blossom...

Rashim appears next to me, freshly showered and in dry clothes once more.

"Rashim, you're divine!" I kiss him and he laughs.

"So you liked it?" He's clearly pleased.

"You'd better start teaching Toni the basic training routines," Rith tells him. "He wants to do it, too."

"Yes, ma'am!" Rashim snaps to attention as the others file in from the dressing rooms, led by the small blonde baby-face. Rashim introduces him as Thesh while the others gather around and I get to meet them all at last. I answer a few questions - yes, I'm from Uman, here with some friends, have no idea how long we're staying - and feel a general benevolent interest rolling over me.

They're observing me, I'm observing them. Leni, the curvy blonde girl is hanging matter-of-factly on the arm of the tall dark guy whose name, I hear, is Beny. The other two boys, Darel and Dionn, apparently live together or something, as do the two darker girls. And Thesh seems to have a crush on his impressive teacher.

As we turn to leave, the black-haired girl nudges Rashim and whispers something to him. Rashim chuckles as he wraps a possessive arm around my waist.

"What was that?" I ask.

"I'm not sure if I should tell you." Rashim gives me a sly look. "I mean, I have understood that you're not interested exclusively in guys..."

"Oh, come on!" I protest.

"Well, Meia just told me that you're even more gorgeous than she imagined." Rashim grins.

Uh - did I just flush red? At least my face feels uncomfortably hot. "What - what have you told them?"

"That my boyfriend Toni is totally gorgeous, what else?" Rashim laughs. "Stop fishing compliments, will you? And just in case, you wouldn't stand a chance with Meia anyway, because she and Aidee are together."

"Why would I want to have a chance with anyone else but you?" I ask, and Rashim spins around to kiss me voraciously.

Excuse me, Toni - what did you just say?

Shut up, stupid voice, whatever you are. I don't have time to listen to you.

Oh well. All right. Just so that you know, man... it might be a good idea to sit back and do some thinking about this all, some time.

Maybe later. I'm busy at the moment.

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