Into the Light

23. Left to My Own Devices - letter 1

17/09/1213 Uman

Dearest Chaim,

I can't thank you enough for the brilliant suggestion that I should stay at your place (although it does seem that I'm destined to be forever in your debt, sinking deeper by the day...) - honestly, I think I'd be raving mad before long if I didn't have this safe haven at my disposal.

Everything's one big goddamn mess, and I'm already doubting whether I'll be able to get everything sorted out within a month or so, as I originally hoped. I know, I've only been here a week so far, but right now that timetable looks pretty fucking hopeless.

No, don't roll your eyes there, man - I'm definitely not giving up! Just feeling damn tired at the moment. I've spent most of today up and about, and my head is frankly aching for the sheer amount of legalese I've had to listen. But I dare say you ought to be proud of me, self-appointed Big Brother! I've been so damn cool and businesslike that I hardly believe it myself. My agents are definitely having trouble believing, they don't quite seem to know what to make of me. They sure aren't used to meeting me like this.

And even though I know you're probably sizzling with curiosity and wanting to hear about my affairs, I think I'll skip a closer discussion of all that and let you stew in your own juices until I get back there. That shall be your punishment for choosing not to come with me - I mean, you could've taken your pet boy with you and all... Besides, it's no use telling you anything. Even if I wrote you about the businesses, there's nothing you can do about them anyway. By the time you get this letter, it'll be about a month since things have already happened, and I don't want to get a letter in two months or so, telling what a bloody fool I've been. Not to mention that I hope to be well away from here in two months!

So far I've also managed to avoid bumping into old acquaintances, and I really thank my lucky stars for that. Of course it might help that I'm moving about in the daytime, which means that my hours are just about exactly the opposite compared to most of the old bunch. Did catch a glimpse of Gelinna, with something that I assumed to be her latest boyfriend (stress on "boy", for fuck's sake...), I think it was yesterday. But she didn't notice me.

One saving grace might be that quite a few people simply won't recognize me right away! It's been an honest surprise to me, I never knew I'd have changed so much (apart from the tan), but the truth is that Deinos (he's one of my lawyers, you probably haven't met him?) didn't know me at first when I went to meet him. Poor man, he didn't know which way to look when he realized his mistake... I guess it's just that my overall appearance has changed so much, I can't explain this otherwise. You see, Deinos isn't the only one who seems to be doing double takes when I meet them.

Talking about appearance - another reason why I like staying here in your place is that the Blue Room makes a damn near perfect place for training! I'm not going to go running here - must do at least something to keep my privacy while I'm here - so I have to train twice as hard indoors. I fully intend to have at least the same amount of muscle to show Rashim when I come back as I had when I left. And with such a good place to keep in shape, it's not even difficult.

Oh yes. Your grand piano is on its way. I seriously hope it'll still be in one piece when it eventually reaches you. I stressed to the delivery company that the safety of the thing is paramount and that speed only comes much later on the list, and they assured me this isn't the first time when they have something this bulky and yet delicate to handle. They appeared very competent, but I can't help feeling apprehensive. Okay, you wanted me to do this, and I guess I can understand that a thing can have such a sentimental value... but seriously, Chaim, 1300 miles?! Are you sure you still have all your marbles left??? I swear that both me and Tim were just about sweating blood as we watched it being maneuvered downstairs and packed into the carriage...

Talking about which! Chaim, you jerk, I'm willing to bet just about anything that you did not know one thing: that Tim is Dalen's boyfriend. I mean, if you knew, how could you be so heartless as to send him to Uman with me for fuck knows how long? Not that I wouldn't be really really happy to have him with me, of course. He was totally indispensable along the way, and such good company. Such an irrepressible guy, just what I needed I'm afraid, and you can tell Dalen that he's got reason to be proud of the way he's trained that guy. Anybody and their uncles would be fighting to have a valet like Tim, and that's no exaggeration.

But right now I think I'll let my perfect valet mail this letter in the morning and crawl to bed in a minute. I'm getting a little too tired, I guess, yawning so hard I can't keep my eyes looking straight. I'll write more in a few days. It feels so good to know you're there to look after everything. Just make sure the guys stick to the drawings! I wish I could be there to see for myself that things run smoothly - although, to be quite honest, you're no doubt far better than me for that purpose. So maybe it's just a good thing, at least in some respects, that I'm here and safely out of the way? Maybe everything will run smoothly when I'm not there? And of course it might be pretty hard to keep the secret, too, if I was there buzzing around in all the wrong places...

Well, anyway, I'm looking forward to getting home again and seeing you all. I miss everybody there. Even your toyboy! Take care of yourself, Chaim - oh, and give Kim a very thorough kiss (don't forget the tongue!) and then tell him it was from me. And don't even imagine that you wouldn't need to tell me what his reaction was!

Love,

Toni

PS: Quite forgot, or maybe I didn't really want to remember - saw Doyess a few days back. A ghastly sight, skinny and puffy at the same time. Looks at least fifty, and he's not even your age. Is that what I looked like, back then? If so, I'm not sure I want to know, really.

PS2: Missing Rashim like crazy.